Remembering Not So Long Ago...

On September 1, 2010...I wrote these words to someone very special, someone I had only just found again...


"I hope your night was filled with all the beauty she does possess. Mine was, even as I sat and watched it all spin around me, crashing into the moon and scattering the stars. I was never so thankful for tiny little arms wrapped around my neck and the darkness ... when all the pictures in my head could calm and I could see them, piece by piece, bit by bit and remember without fear of falling into the depths. I am so glad to have found you although I will readily admit my emotion is on the verge of something. A catalyst is swirling and twirling and pushing and pulling DEMANDING I listen. I believe things happen for a reason, was it just that I searched for you and actually found you on this site...no, it is never that simple. You have your life I know and a woman in your life who fills it...I have my life and 4 beautiful children who need me, but somehow our paths have crossed again and for what reason we do not yet know but I remain transfixed, breath held, waiting, wondering and thanking God for the time I am given...to wait for that simple hello or that name upon my screen. There is beauty in youth and love, on that, you are no doubt wholly correct, but there is also an undeniable beauty in old love, eternal love, departed love and age...that time when we now know what we should have known and actually know we know it! When I said those words to you years ago, I meant them just as I believe those sweet words that pierced my heart, "I remain, as always, yours" are the truest spoken. To feel a love so deep after 25 years is something, but to add to that a lifetime in between and finding the waters unchanged is monumental. I am glad you are here. I am glad I didn't sleep, but instead spent the night with you close to my heart.
Hope your night was as beautiful."

It AMAZES me how very, very true these words were.  Amazingly enough, the waters are indeed WHOLLY unchanged between he and I... and the reason I spoke of not yet knowing, well, we very clearly know now that there WAS a reason for our paths to cross exactly when they did.  My friends, we are truly on the verge of something BIG!!!  I sincerely couldn't be happier!

Written in Stone

Hello, my love. Told you I wanted to write you and here I am doing just that. I know this past weekend was a tiny bit difficult at times but overall it was a great weekend. I love every moment I have with you, even those that are hard. I guess it is because the moments are with you and those are the ones that matter most. I cherish those. It isn't always going to be smooth and easy going, we are human, so it is inevitable that we are going to come across tough moments. What I want you to know is that despite the little difficulties I am so incredibly happy...so very content! There isn't anything else in this whole world I need besides what I have right this moment. You and my kids...yeah, that is more than enough for me! I love you so much and I am so happy. Baby, you really have no idea how happy I am. I am to that point I was at years ago, so happy and I really don't know what to do with it all. I lost you a long, long time ago and every part of being with you is such a miracle to me...I couldn't stand losing you again. I honestly don't think I could do it again. It is like right now, I need to hold onto you for all I am worth and not let go, not let you out of my sight or you are going to run away while I am not looking. Crazy, huh???  I don't know how not to be afraid, I have been messed over and told I am not good enough for anyone for so long I don't know how NOT to believe that is true. I want to give you everything in the world. I want to be everything to you, like you are to me. I want to be the best you have ever had, not just another in the line. I guess that is because that is what you are to me. Oh god, yes, I am terrified. Baby, I am trying. I may fall short, but I swear to you that there is no way on earth that anyone loved you more than I do. There is no way anyone else ever has. It takes some kind of huge love to hang on to someone for 25 years, the way I held onto you. I never once let you go. I couldn't. I am working on the broken places in me but I can't just make them disappear.  There will always be some residuals I am sure no matter how hard I work through it, some things that kind of always mess with me. I may always be hard on myself. Somewhere in my heart, I believe I am a good woman and I deserve happiness and am worthy of being loved. Somewhere inside me I believe I am beautiful. Right now, I just don't know where that somewhere is. What I do know for sure is that I love you more and more every single day and being with you like this is better than ANY dream I ever had. Nothing I ever imagined about being with you again was as good as this IS!!! I love you, I love you with everything I am, with every single thing inside me. I love you...YOU!!! God help me, I love you more than I could or will ever love. I didn't honestly know I had this kind of love in me...I didn't know it was possible. I know I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, being by your side. I know I am not half as good as you deserve, you deserve so much more than me. I know I am going to do everything in my power to be worthy of you, to deserve you!
Love Always,
Nan

Please know that I love you with all of my heart and I do understand how you feel. I know it isn't easy but together we will get past all of this. You are everything I've ever wanted and more. That woman doesn't hold a candle to you. You take such good care of me. I'm not used to that baby. All of those things you think you aren't, you ARE!!! All of those things you think you are not doing enough of or well enough, you ARE and then some. I love you so very much and I will NEVER let you go. Please try not to worry darling. See you soon.
Love, Yours,
Glenn

How I Got Here

The road has been long and winding, that's for sure...too damn long if you ask me, but somehow I made it.  Got here... Right Now...To that place I dreamed of so many years ago.  Don't ask me how I made it, I honestly couldn't tell you. Life  was ugly and dark, so very cold and lonely....a hell, of sorts, on earth.  I almost stopped believing.  I guess when they beat you down enough it is hard to believe or trust in anything except the darkness you have come to know.  When I was 16, I knew what love was.  I knew it because I was experiencing it.  I knew it because I felt it - instantaneously.  I knew it as surely as I knew the stars shown in the Heaven's.  Sad thing is, I didn't have the first clue what on earth I was supposed to do with  the enormity of that love.  So typical of kids who haven't got a clue, I let the "real" thing go and he married someone else.  I carried him around with me, like a crystal in my pocket, for 25 long years...the blackest years of my life. I married too, of course, but those weren't marriages made in Heaven, unions applauded by God.  I married those men who would seek to destroy the very best in me.  They didn't succeed.  I am not wholly destroyed and these pieces in me can be mended.  I am the girl with the broken smile.  I am the girl who is remembering.  I am the girl that laughs...TODAY!  Throughout the years, I would seek him out.  There was something in me that held on, as if for life, to that one man.  I loved seeing him; I made it a point to see him; I made certain he never forgot I was out there.  Funny, now I don't think he would have ever forgotten even if I had never made those efforts.  We'd look into piercing eyes and despite our life's circumstances... everything was written there in the kinds of words that cannot be hidden or denied, we knew!  We still loved, we would always love, we love now.  When I was growing strong, he appeared like magic on a page.  A simple request answered in kind.  Six months ago, I started walking a path that was my destiny all along.  I knew it.  I knew the time was now and it was...it is!  Despite our separation & 25 years of changing, I always knew somehow, some way, some day in time our paths would cross again.  On August 30, 2010...they did.  Amazingly enough, our very first encounter all those years ago, happened on a hot August day too...August 27, 1985.  There he was, on the screen and my heart was stuck in my throat.  Was this it?  Was this finally it?  I am here to say, it was...it is!  Today I share a daily existence with the one man I have loved for as long as I can remember.  In August, he will propose to me and I will say YES!  A hundred, a thousand, a million times... YES!  I didn't know it was possible for one human being to feel such happiness.  I didn't know Love could be so right and beautiful.  I am learning not to be afraid.  I am learning that I am valued for who I am.  I am learning how to live without being yelled at, without being as invisible as I can be.  I am learning what peace really feels like.  I am learning and slowly I am facing the sun.  This man was not afraid of the walls that kept me cloistered in safety.  He climbed over them and immediately set to tearing them down.  He is changing my life...and I am changing, blossoming, growing.  I am BECOMING!  My children are too.  They are learning things they have never known.  They are embraced by a man who wants to be a father to them, who loves them as if they are his blood.  I had forgotten what it means not to be beaten down in every manner of the word, but he is changing that.  He has changed everything about my life.  I never thought I was a lucky person.  Always felt like I must have done something really bad to have ticked God off so much...thing is, I never could figure out what it was.  I don't claim to be perfect, oh Lord, I screw up more than I care to admit but I never thought I was a stupid woman or a bad one.  Somehow, I generally ended up with men who thought I was and really wanted me to believe it was true.  I didn't know it was possible to be with a man and feel this way...happy, content, comfortable and at peace.  Just as I did 25 years ago, I finally feel like I am where I belong.  Some things are just written in the stars, "Meant To Be!"  Maybe you don't believe that, but I do.  I believe in destiny.  I believe lifetimes have passed and he and I have always been interwoven so completely that you couldn't separate that bond if you tried.  We always find a way to each other.  Somehow!  We are often amazed at how it feels to be in the presence of the other...how it feels as if 25 years never passed...and I think in a way, they haven't.  We have always been together...we have always been one, even if it wasn't a physical presence.  We have carried the other so deeply inside of our hearts that we were never truly apart.  I once only dreamed and now I LIVE the dream!  I will live this dream, gladly, until the day I die and I will do so holding this man's hand.

Hearts Are Breaking Across Texas

The words cannot express, the way you look in that white dress
I don't believe there's ever been such a beautiful sight.
All my dreams are coming true, that yellow rose ain't got nothing on you
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight.

Chorus

And tears will be falling everywhere, as your lettin' down your hair
From cowboys wishin', that it was them holding you tight
Well that's the harsh reality, Id feel the same if you hadn't chose me
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight
The lone star is shining bright above, and there's magic in the air
But looking deep into your eyes, I cant help but sympathize
For those who will never know, the kind of love we share

Chorus

And tears will be falling everywhere, as your lettin' down your hair
From cowboys wishin', that it was them holding you tight
Well that's the harsh reality, Id feel the same if you hadn't chose me
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight
Yes Hearts are breaking across Texas
The words cannot express, the way you look in that white dress
I don't believe there's ever been such a beautiful sight.
All my dreams are coming true, that yellow rose ain't got nothing on you
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight.

Chorus

And tears will be falling everywhere, as your lettin' down your hair
From cowboys wishin', that it was them holding you tight
Well that's the harsh reality, I'd feel the same if you hadn't chose me
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight
The lone star is shining bright above, and there's magic in the air
But looking deep into your eyes, I cant help but sympathize
For those who will never know, the kind of love we share

Chorus

And tears will be falling everywhere, as your lettin' down your hair
From cowboys wishin', that it was them holding you tight
Well that's the harsh reality, Id feel the same if you hadn't chose me
Hearts are breaking across Texas tonight
Yes Hearts are breaking across Texas

He Said. She Said.

I like YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥Nan

I like you MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥Glenn

Like me more all you want because we ALL know I LOVE you the MOST!!!

♥Nan

Still waiting to see that thesis!!!!!!!

♥Glenn

I was personally notified by the scientists that I in truth love you the most ... all the tests have proven it

You are going to cry when it is published.  And here is that thesis!

Scientists Prove True Love Can Last Forever

Scientists have discovered true love. Brain scans have proved that a small number of couples can respond with as much passion after 20 years as most people exhibit only in the first flush of love.

The findings overturn the conventional view that love and sexual desire peak at the start of a relationship and then decline as the years pass.

In their search they discovered that Ruth Anne Langford has held her love so deeply for twenty five years for a Mr. Chrisner that she, in fact, loves him more. The research has proven that although Mr. Chrisner loves her, he does not love her more.

A team from Stony Brook University in New York scanned the brains of couples who had been together for 20 years and compared them with those of new lovers. They found that about one in 10 of the mature couples exhibited the same chemical reactions when shown photographs of their loved ones as people commonly do in the early stages of a relationship.

Previous research suggested that the first stages of romantic love, a rollercoaster ride of mood swings and obsessions that psychologists call limerence, start to fade within 15 months. After 10 years the chemical tide has ebbed away.

The scans of some of the long-term couples, however, revealed that elements of limerence mature, enabling them to enjoy what a new report calls “intensive companionship and sexual liveliness.”

The reactions of these long-term couples to pictures of their beloved were identified on MRI brain scans as a burst of pleasure-producing dopamine more commonly seen in couples who are gripped in the first flush of lust.

“The findings go against the traditional view of romance – that it drops off sharply in the first decade – but we are sure it’s real,” said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook.

 ♥Nan

 

 

You sure you didn't "doctor" the doctors findings????????

♥Glenn

Who me????????????????????????????

LMAO...I really and truly and positively DO love you MORE!!!

C'mon baby, you know it is true!!

♥Nan

I think not!!!!!!

♥Glenn

 

Oh baby, why don't you just come clean and admit it???  You saw the thesis, didn't you?

 ♥Nan

 

Wow, have had a really good day today. Have to run now. Talk to you when I get back. I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥Glenn