Victor Hugo, poet and novelist of the 19th century whose brilliant works include Les Miserables and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, wrote these words to his beloved, Adele Foucher…
When two souls, which have sought each other for,
however long in the throng, have finally found each other
...a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are...
begins on earth and continues forever in heaven.
This union is love, true love...
a religion, which deifies the loved one,
whose life comes from devotion and passion,
and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.
This is the love which you inspire in me...
Your soul is made to love with the purity and passion of angels;
but perhaps it can only love another angel, in which case I must tremble with apprehension.
There is no way to fully depict the enormity of his statement. How I wish I had been the one to pen these words but I must borrow them instead from a man whose genius is far greater than my own. You are to me the hopes and dreams of eons, before time was and before we were ever a tiny seedling of thought. I look at you, I see everything, and I know. I know! I want to scream it from the rooftop. I want to shout it out so the world can hear. What can I say? Could I say that you move through me like the torrent of a raging river; that this feeling is as subtle as an iceberg or a raging forest fire? There is nothing else, no there is nothing else! I feel you. Impulses shoot through me like fireworks exploding repeatedly. In every word, in every breath, I feel you, yet, I hide. Hide just a little… watching from my little view outside…waiting, praying fervently that this is no dream…that this is, in fact the eternity of which I have always dreamed. I cannot imagine it, how this has happened, out of the millions of people in the world, 25 years ago we found each other, lost each other, & somehow found each other again after all these years. Is it real or is it just a fantasy, some illusion my mind is playing, some hopeless dream. Can we walk these miles and live to touch, to smile, to breathe together? I know that nothing else is good enough, now that everything I am looks at you and sighs. I am already lost, I think I am beyond saving, beyond redemption, because there is nothing else, nothing else but you and moments, one little memory at a time and my world builds beautifully around me and the flowers bloom, the children laugh, and we live beneath the end of the rainbow. I cannot give anything else away…. how can it be that I have already given it all to you? How can it be? But I have! I have! Sunrise streaming in through the windows falling on your face, I see it and want to touch the light there. The light…that is what you are. You are light in all the dark places. You shine and bring light in places only darkness has ever existed. I cannot breathe. You are in the moonlight too, that magical, mystical moon that allows me to show a different face to you so wantonly and so freely. Come to me. I love the moonlight the best and I love to see it on your skin, illuminating you. Rock of ages…you are the rock I break myself against. You do not know, cannot know, what that means; how much that itself has told you. I have revealed the ugliness, the darkness, the broken shards that have cut me and sliced me and made me scream but how can you possibly KNOW what this means? You don’t know how I long to be with you and how I feel I could almost give my soul away if it meant I would have more nights with you, nights of clarity, nights of bliss, nights of rapture...and the days, one million days of standing by your side, working together, building dreams, a life, everything of which hopes are made. Can I say it? How I love you but somehow that tiny word does not capture anything…anything close to what lies inside, pulsating with life, with hope, with everything. Love, it does not begin to express how I feel. It is all there is, though there are no words to express it. I know you. I know you as I know my own skin, as I know my own laughter or that of my children. I look at you and feel everything… everything that was meant to be in the world, everything that is good, pure, and real. That is it. You still are the first and only real thing I have ever known…besides my children. It’s so real and although I ducked…you aimed for my heart and did not miss. Ask me and I would follow you to the moon just to hear the words fall from your lips, just to hear you say my Name, just to watch you breathe. Grow old, I find I could spend a lifetime with you and it would not be enough. So, that is what she means…I will love thee better after death. I could die in your arms happily; die tomorrow if I had but one more day in your presence…one more day, one more moment. We should not ever have to die in this life before we truly understand, before we truly touch heaven just because someone spoke to our heart in a language we understand. I understand you, and this knowing eclipses everything. I have never known another thing, which is why it never worked, that is why it was always an unanswered prayer. I have been waiting for you, all my life, waiting for you and until I found you again nothing else could have truly existed. Life has begun, I live, I breathe, and your name rolls gently off my tongue. You have changed me. Darkness is light. What is and what was... is not. Do you see that, how I will never be the same? You have claimed me, made me yours without even asking, you have and I am, hopelessly, completely, YOURS. Take all of me, yes. baby, take all of me. Leave nothing behind. You know that already, that I am yours completely with every thing I am and everything I will be. I am more because of you…more alive, more real, more…more… more. I am and you see the real me and accept wholly, but under your gaze I want to do more, be more, give more, live more. I want more of everything. I want to walk down the road of life and see it all, do it all, even those things I have already done. I want to do them all again with you by my side because that is how much you change things. Everything is new. I speak your name and my heart smiles. I speak your name and words like promise and hope and eternity come to mind. Words like I love you. You are god given, you are my soul, my heart…you, Glenn Henry. YOU! You saw into my heart when no one else could and you believed in me. The darkness has faded and I have flown out of the swirling black abyss on the wings of the Phoenix, So I am going to spend the rest of my life living up to the faith you have in me. I do not have much baby, but what I have is yours. I am yours forever. I love you Glenn. Always, Eternally, for ages to comes.
Your loving “wife,”
Nan
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