Written In Stone

Hello love. Am going to take the time I have right now and write you. I hope you know that even though it is hard for us both, I feel as strongly about holding on as you do. I miss you and it is very hard sometimes because I can't see you, or speak to you, or do all those things with you I am dreaming of...but the prolonged agony does nothing but strengthen my determination and I find myself wanting and loving you more. This is a very unique opportunity in that we can really connect on a level that is beyond the physical presence of the other. We have always connected so deeply and in this way that bond is being tested and strengthened, it is growing so much stronger. When you are gone, you are with me. There you are, everywhere I look and I dream of you...in so many ways. I dream of being able to talk to you, to touch your hand, to kiss you, to hear your laugh, to look at the stars, to walk arm in arm, to make love while it rains, to curl up and watch a good movie, to have conversations...to enjoy this life I have been given with you. I want to be able to tell you how I feel when I am looking in your eyes. Is that too much to dream of? I don't think so. I hope not. I pray it isn't. I don't have anything to offer you but myself and my children and a home that needs more work than can be done in a month...but I also have my heart and I give you that freely...and without hesitation or reservation. Someday, I pray there will come a day when you can and will take what I have to offer. If tonight you chance to look up at the stars, imagine us, remember us and what it could be if only we could break the chains and live. I will be doing that same thing. And tonight when it rains, if you should wake to hear it, imagine me in your arms beside you...in the dark with only that brief flash of light and our hearts to guide us into abandon. I imagine you often, in that way and so many others. I think of you all the time. I wonder what you are doing and if you are thinking of me. I even have to wonder if what you have to hold onto is enough to make you forget that I am out here standing in the rain...waiting for you. Somehow, I don't think it is. Somehow I don't think anything less than you and me together will ever be enough again. So I will warn you now...I hate mornings, I like to laugh but don't often get the joke, I adore my cats and cannot stand to see an animal tossed aside, I like to play games with my kids, I sometimes just need to be held and told I am loved, I don't often feel beautiful, or good, or worthy but I am fighting that darkness very hard, I wear black nail polish and most all of my clothes are black, not because of anything other than the fact that I feel sexy in them, I love art, I love to read or to watch anything that makes me FEEL something, I snore at night when I sleep and always have but if you tell me I do, I will deny it, I love Dr. Peppers and Zima but not together, I love spicy things, the hotter the better, I eat too much salt and have high blood pressure that I take medicine for daily, I am terrified of hearing that c word again, I love nature and am about as pagan as you can get and still believe in God, my faith keeps me grounded when the rest of the world spins out of control, I am far too emotional and easily wounded, I am a bit needy now as I find it hard to trust anything or anyone, I don't like violence but will fight back if I am being hurt, I feel very unsafe being held at night...I need to know I can get away if something goes crazy, I love my mother with all my heart, I still cry when I think about my grandad and about my mother's house being gone, I am afraid of high winds and snakes, I love the Fort Worth Zoo, especially the meerkats, I have always wanted to go to Ireland, Montana, and Maine, I hate driving and cannot see well in the dark, I have only ever driven in the ice once and don't plan to do so again, I have an uncanny interest in the macabre and gothic, I love old houses and architecture, Antiques are my passion, I love music...all music, I write and write and write some more, I was once a cutter and have since learned how to release emotion in other ways - the scars on my arms are part of me and I am not ashamed of them but few people know that about me, there is so much about me you should know...but this is a start. Are you scared? Please tell me you aren't.
I love you and cannot wait to see you tomorrow. Let the rain fall now and I will wrap myself in the darkness and imagine you there...
♥Nan

Good morning beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing parts of yourself with me. I've been dying to know so much about you but I knew the answers to my questions would come in time. I feel such a strong bond between us yet, in a way, we are somewhat strangers. 25 years is a long time and we are no longer children. I want to know the woman that you have become. I want you to know the man that I have become and I will do my best to tell you, and one day show you. You will find this may be a slow process as I find it very difficult to talk about myself, but I will do my best. How could I be scared? You are a beautiful, caring, sensitive, passionate, intelligent woman. I long for the day when I am no longer caught between the Scylla and Charybdis and can truly and completely open my heart to you. The thought of you being hurt infuriates me. I am no longer a violent person but I know how to fight and will not hesitate to do so when circumstances warrant. Any man that would lay hands on a woman is too weak and afraid to confront a real man. You deserve so much better. One day I will show you, open your eyes to your true worth. I want to hold you close, kiss you tenderly, admire your beauty, explore your mind and body, let you know that you are loved daily. I continue to be amazed by so many things that we have in common. It reaffirms my belief that we were meant to be together. I too have trust issues. I've been lied to and cheated on too many times, but I find it easy to trust you. I hope you do me as well. So, lets get to know each other. I will try to share something new with you every day, just bear with me.
Yours, for as long as you'll have me
♥Glenn

ahhh, LOVE...there is so much to you and I...so much to discover, that is true...but I cannot help but to believe the more we know, the more we will certainly love. Meant to be is the phrase that you mentioned and it certainly is what I believe as well. I cannot wait to learn more about you. I hunger for it...more, more, more...one little taste of you is never enough. It fascinates me, this man you have become. I am so proud of you and so moved by you...so deeply in love with you. I want you to know, right now...I intend to keep you forever.
By the way...forever isn't long enough.
♥Nan