The Abyss

And she drops away into the darkness, the swirling black abyss, where the pain cannot touch her, where she can forget and let the nothingness fool her into believing she is safe. She remembers the moment the white hot light shone through the gray, how it came to her that first night not so long ago, how it called to her and washed away the crimson red of lonely years. She saw the beauty of the world inside that light. She dreamed she heard laughter, but she should have known that laughter only exists for fools who still believe in fairytales. She let the warmth surround her. She drank from the cup and found the cure. She danced the dance of love inside that dazzling brilliance, covered herself with lullabies and moonlight and she was whole. But when she reached for in anguish, needing arms to soothe the ache, the world dimmed, faded and finally went out entirely and she was left inside this never ending black and blue. Wave after wave, crashes upon her still form and she seeks to drown inside it, inside the misery. She hesitates as she seeks to understand why it all should fade away. Will anyone ever find her inside this Hell, will she ever see the light again. The tears, like rivers, stain her cheeks and her heart tears in two. Yet, she is relaxed, as she falls deeper into the sorrow. She knows this place, she has been here before. It is like home to her that is why the monsters under her bed do not scare her. She just doesn't remember it being so cold, so dark, or so deep in this great below, this place far removed from all that is good and pure and beautiful. She lies waiting, waiting for a prayer that has yet to be answered. She is wondering if it was only a fantasy that she made up in her head. Then out of the corner of her eye she sees a glowing, like thousands of fireflies all clumped together and it moves toward her. It grows ever closer and with it comes warmth. She feels it as it races across her bared flesh, thawing the frozen places in her soul. In that glowing he stands. It is he, the man who comes to claim her heart. She knows that face, she has seen it but that was so many years ago. He is her heart's desire, she has always known it. He has come of his own accord, following his heart and the golden thread that binds him to her, one to one, together. As he traveled, racing across all that is to reach her, he saw the black engulf her. He heard the demon voices as they chanted, seducing her into believing their lies. "Do not believe little girl that he has come to save you. He doesn't really know your soul. There are no soul mates. There is no happiness, no light. Love is nothing but a lie. Stupid girl why would you ever believe he could save you from your nightmares" they told her. He saw her eyes glaze over, as they chant and sing and laugh, she falls deeper and deeper into the gulf. He comes then, he knows, to resurrect her from the dead. She rises upon seeing him, the face she could only dream of for so long, the blue eyes that haunt her, the form of a shining beautiful man inside that white and stands hand shaking but outstretched, reaching for him and the light he brings. She shakes her head unable to believe he would travel so far, unable to believe he would follow her through time and dimension into this place, this ugly dark place that draws her in and kills her slowly. It is poison to the soul. She reaches out farther, wanting to feel the heat of his skin to be certain it is real. But to feel that heat she must believe, to feel his love she must have faith...the faith of a child who has yet to learn how ugly it can all be. Does she have it, the will to believe, the heart to give her the wings she needs to fly? She reaches, feeling the heat on her fingertips as she enters his realm of light. Will she feel his heartbeat she wonders as she raises her hand higher to place it on his chest? She is reaching blindly and grasping only air. He sees her. He knows she is not seeing him, she is lost still inside the void in her head. So he speaks and with those words the darkness fades, the lying voices are silenced, and she is drawn out of her reverie. Opening her eyes she sees him once more and she determines to reach, to give it one more try. Will she find him? She gasps for air as her fingertips brush across the flesh of his chest, the rhythmic beating of his heart pulses inside her head. With that touch, that one sweet touch, she rises from the ashes like the mighty Phoenix. The darkness begins to fade...all because he loved her, all because he helped her believe, all because he knew the darkness too.

©Ruth Anne Langford, 2010